I’m back to Canada and there’s going to be dinner!

I landed back in Ottawa doing a cat-house sit in Chelsea, Quebec, over the bridge and not far from Ottawa. I was inspired by my time and tastes in Japan, but more than this I was inspired to cook again.

I thought I had lost my passion for cooking.

I discovered that there are many meanings and emotions behind words. For example, cooking is not just cooking.

There is cooking for sustenance, to feed ourselves like fuel for a car.

There is cooking because you like the scientific nature of it and testing turns you on.

And then there is cooking for others, which I love. I love giving to others, sharing with others, I always have.

I used to share my Twinkie snack cake during recess period with my best friend in public school. It wasn’t that I loved Twinkies so much, but I loved sharing it, making my friend happy, and so I brought one each day for her. She began to expect it and wasn’t happy when I didn’t bring one. That is another story.

All this to say, I made food for others in Tokyo, in particular the staff at the publishing company Kirasienne who worked on my book Canadian Vegan Recipes for the Japanese marketplace, and it was different.

I made Christmas dinner for them because it’s not a national holiday in Japan and they had to work. I brought in maple coffee truffles on Valentine’s Day. I surprised staff with food in the fridge for their dinner when they had to work late. I made special treats like apple crisp for our meetings. No one asked me to or forced me, it was not expected.

It came from a place where I go to now to do more things in my life because it is pure, honest, and free. It’s based on doing what I love for those I love.

When did it become awkward and strange in our society to talk about love, especially when it is critical for our well being and happiness, and our society as a whole?

It took me awhile to get this point.

I started creating and cooking for others a decade ago based on love, and it grew in leaps and bounds.

At some point, we have to make decisions about this growth to protect ourselves, and we often don’t. We forget, we want more, and are too busy to stop to see where we have come from and where we want to go.

Now I pause more. I look within before I look out more. And this causes me less pain and more joy, go figure.

The idea of having a pop-up dinner has come up often over the years since I left the restaurant, from me and others. I did one last fall, which was popular and sold out quickly. I loved the result but it wasn’t easy for many reasons.

This time around, I have the same intention as the first pop-up dinner I ever held, to nourish others through creating a special menu with love and care. However, I add myself to the mix this time. I “feed” myself as well.

It’s the “how” that matters in the end and the journey is indeed important because we may or may not get to the destination that we are running toward. There are no guarantees. I’ve seen this lately with friends who have died way before their planned best before date and realizing their dreams, and it’s heartbreaking.

There is a certain feeling of comfort and joy in being mindful of each step we take in the now.

At the pop-up gourmet dinner on June 24, I’m doing what I love, working with people that I care about, creating food for people I can’t wait to see, and taking care of myself along the way with that very same love and care, at least I’m going to try!

We have the opportunity to start over with each step we take, to look at our lives in new ways at every turn, and find ways to come home when we stray too far from who we are.

I’m home and there’s going to be dinner!

Caroline’s June 24 dinner in Ottawa

Also published on Medium.