A delicious birthday with beautiful friends and food at the elegant Ryotei Hamacho restaurant and the famous katsuo tataki (seared tuna) at Hirome market, both in Kochi City, Shikoku, Japan

It’s my birthday today and I am 57! I can’t believe I am this age! Where does the time go?

It’s hard for me to believe I reached this age. It seems such an older age and it’s been hard for me to accept it. I’m trying by announcing it to others, and most importantly, telling myself. Is it so bad that I don’t believe that I am this age?

My dad George never knew what age he was. When people would ask him how old he was, he would play games with them, and ask them how old they thought he was. He did this to make them curious and laugh, and he would laugh with them, when he would say random numbers out loud, like, 60, 80, 90?

I don’t think he knew how old he really was, and the number didn’t matter to him. He was always young inside. He had this eternal vitality and youthfulness inside that I admired, but only when I got older and found out how rare it is and saw how it kept my dad’s eyes sparkling and his spirit young although his outside body became frailer with the years.

On my birthday, I remember George and the people that I’ve met in along the way lately that inspire me from their vantage point of an older age. In particular, my good friend Ilse recently celebrated her 93rd birthday on Salt Spring Island, BC in Canada and is as creative, energetic, and fun, as always.

Ilse telephoned me before I left for Japan to wish me a good trip and I wished her a good birthday. She said it’s too bad I am not there for her birthday. I agreed, though she is surrounded by family and friends that love her very much, and this is what matters most.

I had the most amazing birthday lunch at a traditional Japanese restaurant in Kochi City called Ryotei Hamacho

A “ryotei” is a traditional high-class restaurant with geisha who perform ancient traditions of art, dance and singing. Contrary to popular belief, geisha are not the Eastern equivalent of a prostitute, and with their usual customer base of wealthy male patrons decreasing, the geisha are gaining women’s attention for their traditional entertainment and as models of elegance.

Hamacho restaurant was elegant, with individual tatami rooms, pebbled stone pathways outside the room, and wonderful food. My friend had chosen this special restaurant for my birthday as it’s used often for graduation ceremonies, weddings, and special occasions.

The lunch at Hamacho came on a beautiful lacquer tray of small dishes, each unique and beautiful. When I saw the food, I did my happy dance and wanted to be present for it instead of wolfing it down as I often do when I am starving. I wanted to admire the different colours, textures, and the love and care that went into the food first as if I was in a beautiful secret garden.

I sat there and looked at every element in the dishes on the tray while people ate, and my friend said that I was taking a long time observing and I needed to start to eat if would finish in time for their lunch closing. I told her it was too beautiful, and I wanted to appreciate it first. I wanted to remember, how beautiful a dish and life I have here.

Everything birthday is special, but this one in a place I worked hard to get to and wasn’t sure I would make it to because I was afraid, is one of the most interesting birthdays I will remember.

I am in Japan! It’s hard for me to believe as I meld in easily sometimes into the Japanese culture, lifestyle and even the language is getting easier for me to understand every day.

I am grateful that my friends brought me to their favourite restaurant in Kochi City and celebrated with me. I have only known them since I arrived in Ochi less than two weeks ago and they are now family. How wonderful is this?

Also, when I was on Vancouver Island, BC recently, I met several older friends there who were very inspiring and loving to me as family. It’s the first time I’ve had older friends in my life.

Before then, my friends have been younger than me, and this is great, but I see now by rejecting people that were older, I was rejecting myself. I didn’t want to be my age and grow older, but guess what, it comes whether we want it to or not, and la voila, it’s here!

I’ve had a hard time since I’ve been in my 50s and single. Why?

It didn’t bother me that much when I was with a partner and had a relationship. I was ashamed to be an older woman who was single and didn’t have a partner and children, and with both parents that had passed on, I felt like an orphan, alone in the world. And, I was no longer “young” when I thought I was at my best in terms of looking youthful, beautiful and attractive.

Yes, we can be beautiful and sexy at any age. Look at Jane Fonda who is in her eighties, but that is after plastic surgery, colouring her hair, working her body hard with trainers, and being handled by other professionals that keep her looking young. She says she feels young inside, like her 30s, so why have a body on the outside that doesn’t match, right? She also says she wasn’t brave enough to let herself age, that’s not her. She is inspiring and I get her! I was afraid of growing old, and more importantly, of looking old.

I love younger people; they are open, vibrant and energetic. But I have also met some amazing older people lately that are open, vibrant and energetic too, and they blew me away and were inspiring.

We need role models that inspire us at any age so that we can reach forward and toward them than mourn and want only what we know, the past.

The Japanese are taught as young children to respect and honour their elders, and this is deeply embedded in the Japanese culture. In fact, there is a national holiday in September, Respect for the Aged Day, to honour all elderly citizens of Japan for their contributions to family and society throughout their long lives.

I’m learning to love who I am, but feeling it is another matter when I look in the mirror and may not see the beauty there and instead, the wrinkles, the belly fat, the grey hair, and other negative parts of my body. Why do we do this?

Maybe it’s the fact that we are hard-wired to look at the negative and be critical than see the positive, so it makes sense that we do this to ourselves? But if we know this fact, then what can we do about it?

We need to fill our lives with as much joy as we can, in fact, overfill our bags with joy, like collecting candy at Halloween. I used to fill my bags with candies from neighbour’s houses and go home to empty them so I could continue down the street and collect more candy. I want my bag of joy to be like this, filled with happiness candy.

More important than the eating of the candy back then, was the journey of finding the right costume and going to people’s houses to gather the candy. It was the collecting that was the most exciting for me, beyond seeing what I would get and eating it. I feel the same way now.

I gathered some beautiful new friends for my birthday lunch, I got dressed up, and we had an amazing lunch. Afterwards, we went shopping to the biggest mall in Kochi City and it was crowded but it was nice to be in the air conditioning, away from the heat and humidity of the day, and spend time with friends walking, looking at beautiful things, and talking.

It reminded me of when I was a teenager and used to do this at the Eaton Centre in downtown Toronto. It was long ago when I was a teenager doing this, but the feelings don’t change, that’s the thing that you realize over time.

Circumstances change, life goes by incredibly quickly, but we don’t change inside, or much. I am still 15 and excited when my friends gather for my birthday. I still have a big smile and clap when the beautiful food comes out, and I want to take pictures to capture the moment.

So, what if I feel that I am in my thirties? It’s being appreciative of the years, all that I have done, my life, and the journey to get here. I said at my birthday lunch what’s most important to me is good friends and food. I would add health now too. I don’t think I would have said the same thing in my teens, it would have been different. Why?

I was more focused on external factors like a good body, relationship, being popular and happy. I always wanted to be happy, but I’m not sure I knew what happiness was. I thought you could be happy all the time, everlasting joy, but now I know this is impossible. It’s like having an erection for a long time. After a while, it’s gotta hurt and the swelling must come down so we can focus on other things!

It’s the contrasts, the transitions, the gentle waves up and down, and sometimes the big waves, that make our lives interesting, full, and alive. When we ride the waves instead of being swept up by them or giving up, who knows where we will land up? We may fail and fall at times, but we also may be riding the waves at some points too. I feel this is my life now.

I remember a yoga teacher who started a class by saying that it was her birthday. She had turned 50 years old and she was telling everyone that it was her birthday because she was excited. I was surprised and thought this was brave and honest. I was afraid to tell people my age, especially after turning 50.

She said she has friends with cancer, those close to her who have passed away, and so many people that would love to switch with her because they know they will die soon. Being happy and grateful for our lives, she said, pays tribute to their and our lives, and it is selfish not to. What she said hit me hard because I was one of those selfish people who was ashamed of my age and fearful of growing old.

I am in Kochi City for the third orientation session with the Japan Exchange and Teaching Program ( JET) in Kochi prefecture (region) on Shikoku Island in Japan.

There are about 40 of us new JET delegates, mostly from the US, but also from other countries including Canada, Australia, New Zealand, the UK, and Trinidad and Tobago. There are a total of 128 JET delegates in Kochi prefecture alone, one of four regions of Shikoku Island, and part of a community of over 5,000 JET delegates currently in Japan.

I stayed overnight last night at a hotel in Kochi City so I wouldn’t have to make the long journey here from Ochi early in the morning. I walked at night for hours to explore the city, which I had been imagining coming to since I got to Ochi.

As I walked the city in the heat and humidity of the evening, it was lovely, but I missed the clean air, nature and simplicity of Ochi too. I am falling in love with Ochi and she is waiting at home for me with my new family.

More than home, we search for family and belonging wherever we. Because where there is family, there is home.

I am grateful for how far I have come, the coming year, and who I am. Love from Kochi on my special birthday where I celebrate this for the first time, Caroline xo