The beaches here stretch for miles and miles. There ocean seems endless with waves crashing continuously on to the white sandy shore.There is a person now or then lying in the sand or walking along the shore but there are actually more birds than people.

I decided to walk along the ocean instead of taking the bus that goes along Pacific Coast Highway #1 and takes me to town. It was sunny, always sunny so far, hot but with a nice breeze, and the sand and waters looked so welcoming, inviting me to come play.

I walked slowly along the shoreline with my bare feet in the sand. I paused to look at shells and other things that that sea brought in or would bring in each time the waves would come to shore. I observed the gulls and sandpipers that were hanging out and playing by the water. They would slowly move aside or fly away as I would come through.

My feet and toes in particular liked moving in the sand. When my feet got too hot, I would cool them off with the brisk water from the ocean waves coming in and out from the shoreline. Sometimes the waves were so gentle and calm I would barely notice them. At other times they came in so abruptly and fiercely that the water would soak my clothes and I would have to stay a bit farther away until I dried off.

I took pictures along the way. I walked along slowly absorbing all that I could, paused sometimes to observe the ocean and waves, stopped to lie down and listen to the ocean and catch some rays, and be, something I don’t do enough of these days.

Something happened as I took this walk, I can’t explain it really. I lost track of time. I felt in union with nature and myself.

At one point during my walk, my friend Barb texted me how I was feeling.

I said “free and open”, as the blue sky, the ocean, the sand, which seemed to go on without any limitations or boundaries to Neverland.

Barb texted me again, asking how that made me feel. I said “good, content, lighter.” I didn’t say “happy”.

I began to think about the word happy and what it means. You have a lot time to think when you are walking for miles along the beach with no distractions but from your mind and the occasional text from a good friend :).

I love the word happy but it made me think that sometimes it’s overused and there is too much focus on it these days. It seems that people are on this quest to find the answer to what makes them happy or happier or happiest and they will follow books, gurus, retreats and spend good money to do this. I include myself as part of this group. Who doesn’t want to be happy, right?!

When I was walking along the beach, I wasn’t over joyed, or running around, or jumping up and down, and my heart wasn’t racing with excitement. I was content, calm, peaceful, present and mindful, observing things around me and in me. And I wondered what was wrong with that?

I began to think about how many times I reach for happiness as the end goal, thinking that if I am frustrated, sad or mad, that I need to do whatever it takes to get back to the happiness goal. That’s it’s not ok to be at these other places. That I must move on and find my happy place.

I have been observing my emotions because that’s what I do as a yogi, writer and curious person. I begin to see that my emotions are not one or another, but a melding of many different emotions. I try to not feel guilty or bad about negative or yucky feelings that come along but see it as it is and move on.

I see someone succeeding and I feel happy for them and then there is jealousy and sadness that I am not as successful and happy as they seem to be. I feel like a failure, a loser. But then I get a call from a friend who brings me up and I am happy again, and that might be in a span of five minutes.

We often pretend that we live in a black and white world of happy and sad, when we are more evolved, complicated and more colourful than that. We can be happy and sad, and many other emotions at the same time and surrounding that.

This is good because if we’re unhappy and sad, we know it won’t last, it won’t take us over, we’re stronger than that. But on the other side, if we’re happy, we need to be mindful that it might not last, and savour every bite of happiness that we are given because nothing lasts forever.

I’m learning not to attach too much to whatever emotion comes my way, in particular the unhappy ones or that ones that I label that way. What if we were to label our emotions with colours or cute names that the paint designers give to colours, and say oh that it’s a midnight black that’s coming in or a purple eggplant wash that is coming over me but I see a robin’s egg blue in the foreground. I love colours so this might be good colour therapy of sorts for me and other colour lovers.

The overriding feeling I had as I was walking along the ocean was content and calm, a sky blue I would say, though there were other emotions coming in and out. I tried not to hang on to one particular emotion but let them go like the waves coming in and out of shore. It was easier to do this without distractions and surrounded by mother nature to support me.

Some four hours later I arrived in town. I had lost track of time as I walked one step at a time on the beach, sometimes looking back at how far I had come and often looking forward into the distant of a goal of the pier. I was exhausted physically but not emotionally.

I felt content but soon there were other emotions and thoughts coming in with more stimulation from all the people on the beach and on the pier, and being close to stores and restaurants. I’m starving and where would I get something to eat? I would love a good coffee. Where could I go for that? The content feeling was still there but changing like a mood ring. Some of you reading this might remember those?

Instead of my usual process of trying to hang on to the content feeling, which is hard to do anyway, I let it go, and welcomed other emotions like excitement over a good coffee and food, relief in finally sitting down to rest, satisfaction over a long walk and guilt for spending so much time on a walk.

This is a long time story why I was ok with the word content when my friend asked me how I felt. I am surprised by this because I’ve been a happiness junkie lately, reading about it, watching documentaries, listening to podcasts, asking people what makes them happy and trying to be happy most of the time like my newest goal.

Perhaps the real test is to be content with who we are and with what comes. “I’m being Caroline” I could say to someone asking how I am and they would get it and be content because they love me unconditionally for who I am and get me. This is the world I am creating? What’s yours?