The love letter is to myself and starts with a question.

What do I want?

I have learned much from reading and coaching sessions with my good friend Barb to focus on what I want instead of what I don’t want. It’s easy for me to list all the things I don’t want. I have been doing this all my life.

Looking toward the future, what in my heart do I really want? There is no need to consult with anyone on this. It’s in Caroline but she is afraid to speak the truth.

Here goes…

To focus on me, to be free, to be me, to spend time with myself again, and listen to what I have to say.  I want a love relationship with me because so often I abandon my lover, myself.

Why do you do that?

I’m afraid. To hear what she has to say, to give her what she wants. I don’t feel that she deserves it, she is not good enough.

Oh, but that was your mom and the past, you were always good enough my heart says.

It is time to go back to following my heart and soul, to trust myself and my instincts, to set myself adrift for awhile.

I want to live, no sorry I am living a life (my spiritual coach tells me how important it is not to use wish, hope, need, expect, want but live, be, feel, and ask for what I want) where I am happy and grateful because I am present and mindful, where I am doing what I love to do, where I learn, grow, help people and I show my true self to the world.

I am standing naked, not really naked, but you know what I mean, to the world and telling them what I need to say. I feel I have a lot to say to them that could help them, support them, and in doing so, support me.

Life is really short. I often forget this during my down periods. I choose not to waste it with people and situations that I am not aligned with and bring me down.

I am using my precious gifts for the greatest good. I’ve touched on some of my gifts of creating food for people, writing, but there is a thread there that is greater than all this, that transcends boundaries for myself and the world.

It is about people, nourishing and inspiring them with my stories about how much I am like them, I get them, and I’ve been there.  To reveal who I truly am, put out all my cards so to speak. It’s hard to lie to one self all your life about what you really want and who you truly are.

Why do we lie to ourselves?

I thought I wanted fame, fortune and power, but what I really want is love, to love and be loved. It comes down to that.  And I want to be healthy in body, mind and spirit, and use my creativity and gifts to make the best life possible for myself and others.

I’ve been bringing back into my life my child, not an inner child, a wounded child, or all those other terms, just the child, who is playful, fun, honest, innocent and alive in the moment.

It takes a life time of conditioning and societal norms to make ourselves into something we don’t like and then at one point we want to turn back the dial to where we came.

I don’t have regrets, or many, because they have led me to this point today, but I don’t want to have many more regrets of the kind of not taking action, doing things I want to do, taking risks, and putting myself out there.

The risk of not doing so, is greater than doing so, of leaving this planet when my time is up with nothing but endless to do lists, worries, shoulds, expectations and grabbing for shiny objects that don’t make me happy.

Instead I write and reach for myself, my lover of life, and hug her tightly because she is the most beautiful radiant person when I allow her to shine.

When I feed her with things that bring her joy, that she loves, that make her heart sing and allow her to be who she truly is, she shines so brightly, attracting other shiny stars into her world.

Happy Valentine’s Day to me and all the other shining stars that I know are out there in the universe. I love you deeply, you make me happy and shine.