“There is an illusion that many in the world live by today, that money buys freedom. The more money you have the freer you will be. This is bullshit.”

~ Philip McKernan

I have been thinking a lot about my relationship to money. I know we all think about money and it’s often about getting more, saving more, and saying to ourselves, “when we have more money we will (fill in blank).”

Are we using money as a crutch?

Because of money I believe we do things we don’t want to do, like work at jobs we hate, or do things we think we “should”, like put up with an abusive employer, because we feel there is no other choice.

Money is our pimp.

I’m not talking about living in poverty and having to survive. What I’m concerned about is the “normal” existence for most of us who have a lot in our lives but are not happy.

Studies say in North America that after $75,000 we don’t increase our happiness. But if we don’t have enough, then we are always striving, wanting, and reaching. When is enough enough?

It’s a fine balance.

The same reason that causes to overeat when we are full I believe is the same reason we spend more when we have enough. Because we can and think it will make us happier, that one more bite, that one more new shiny item.

Most of us are ruled by a scarcity and fear mentality of never having enough or it may go away so we gather, store and hoard. Advertisers know this and pounce on us with messages that we are not good enough or don’t have enough because they know this works and we eat it up.

In order to get all these things that we must have, we work too much, do too much, have so many burdens with a house, work, mortgage, car, kids, outside activities, you name it.

We are stressed, depressed, exhausted and feel guilty that we are not keeping up or keeping it together as others seem to be on Facebook.

A friend of mine worked for a billionaire family. A beautiful couple with young children, they had a few mansions in exotic locations, private jets, staff to help them and a lifestyle that most would be envious of.

We would think that their lives would be ideal, peaceful, full of ease and joy.

This was far from the truth.

She said that they were so busy and stressed keeping up with their houses, their jammed schedules and the responsibilities from their work and their extracurricular activities, that they were too busy, stressed, and exhausted for the most part to enjoy it. The kids had everything they could want but did they have what they really need?

If we had to leave our houses immediately because of a fire what would we take? I know most people say it’s their loved ones, pets, and if they have time their photo albums.

We often use money as the excuse. We can’t do this or that because of the money.

You have a dream of taking off for a year and traveling the world but you have 101 reasons why you can’t. Why can’t you? If it’s really important to you, what sacrifices would you be wiling to make?

I often see people doing this only when something big happens in their lives like finding out a partner has a terminal illness and then the decision is made right then and there to fuck it and go for it no matter what for this person that they love dearly.

We make it happen.

Why can’t we do it without the terminal illness or other tragedy?

 “Happiness is more about who you spend your time with, as opposed to how you spend your money.”

~ Philip McKernan

Why can’t we do it with the knowledge that we have a finite time on this planet and will all die one day, we just don’t know when, so let’s make the best use of the life we have with the people that we care deeply about.

Nothing lasts forever except our dreams.

Will our dreams die with us or will we release them by walking toward them finally?

I hope you will choose the latter.

It’s only money and sometimes having  less can make you richer.

It’s the memories, in our photo albums and our hearts, that we will hold close to us when we near the end of our lives.

♥

My story

I have less money than I ever have since I was in my early twenties, and that was decades ago for me, and I am happier.

I’ve been trying to figure this out since I do not have a permanent address for now so “homeless”.  I have been staying with friends and family and traveling the world since my long-term relationship ended, I left the restaurant where I was chef-owner, and father died some four years ago. I was heart-broken and lost.

I started this journey with a storage locker the size of a garage haphazardly packed with “things” that I felt I needed. Today all my beloved possessions are stored nearly in a 2 feet x 6 feet locker. Over the past few years, I started giving away to friends and charities things that didn’t have meaning to me and kept what brings me joy.

I didn’t realize when I started this process that this outer transformation would be in direct correlation to my internal clearing process.

As I started to let go of things that I didn’t really need, I also began to let go, albeit rather reluctantly, of the assumptions, expectations and people that didn’t bring me joy. I never stopped to think if I needed them or they were serving me anymore like the things in my locker.

Through this letting go process, I felt that I was shedding the layers that I accumulated along the way of the person I thought I needed to be and I became who I am. I came home.

This process has not been easy but I wouldn’t trade it for the world because I am happier, freer, more grateful and now have time to pause enjoy the things that I love to do along the way with the people I love to spend time with.  I understand that I am responsible for my life. I can no longer blame another person or situation for my unhappiness. The only boss holding me back is me.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to have more money. I hope to have a beautiful beach front house one day with a spectacular view of the ocean and all the things I love. The difference now is that I am not attached to it as I used to be. I am more interested now in the journey and grateful for everything I am and is in my life.

I’ve heard often the cliche about life is a journey and used to recite it often but didn’t truly believe it. I was still hell bent on reaching my goals and making more money. But for what?

My life was all ass backward before. I will be x or do x when I get the money. I kept on working harder and harder, reaching higher and higher positions, making more and more money in my corporate jobs, but it seemed I was getting farther and farther away from really mattered to me and myself.  My best friend was worried about me and said I looked terrible but I felt like I was a hamster on a treadmill and couldn’t get off.

A decade later, I now feel that the money will enhance what I am already doing and who I am. The big change is that I like who I am and it took me a long time to get to this point to even say this and believe it. I have important messages I want to share with as many people as possible and thus restarted blogging.

The best part of living with less money is that I have proven to myself that I don’t need a lot of money to survive, which was a big fear of mine. Now to the bare bones of existence, I know what’s really important to me, and you get really creative about finding solutions to problems when you don’t have a lot of money. Remember when you were a student?

When I did have more money, I didn’t even give purchases a second thought because I didn’t have the time! As I started unpacking my boxes, I had so many duplicates of the same thing because I couldn’t be bothered to find the thing I needed at the time or didn’t make the time. This says a lot.

This post is not about a taste memory but related. It’s about taking a big bite out of life to feed our souls. This where our true hunger and happiness lies.

What are you feeding your soul?

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Also published on Medium.