We are free, we have choice, but we forget.

Even in prison, Nelson Mandela spoke about being truly free in our spirit as a choice.

In 1985 South African President P.W. Botha offered Mandela his freedom if he would agree to renounce armed struggle. He refused, saying, “What freedom am I being offered while the organization of the people remains banned? Only free men can negotiate. A prisoner cannot enter into contracts.”

I was in a job with money as the goal and I really needed the money. I hated it, in particular my boss was abusive, and I thought I needed to make it through whatever the cost, even if that cost was me. Take me away, lock me up and throw away the key I thought often. I was a victim, trapped, with no power or voice. I would call my good friend often with my woes and tell her, “I’m melting”. I felt I was losing power fast and didn’t know what to do.

While in the situation, I repeated the words of Eleanor Roosevelt over and over again in my head, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” I had spewed off this line to many friends when they were faced with difficult personalities and situations. But in truth, I never really got it.

What do you do if your boss is abusive to you, but you need to keep the job in order to put a roof over your head and your loved ones, you feel you won’t be to find another job without a good reference from this one so you’re stuck, you’ve invested so much into the job already so you can’t let that go, or there are no other immediate options so you can’t speak your mind or leave. The thing with speaking your mind is that you have to be willing to leave and that is scary in itself and sometimes we can’t go there.

But on the other hand, the thing with this type of thinking is that it gives all the power to the aggressor and none to you. I was a victim, powerless, weak, afraid.

I was trapped like a bird in a cage and thought someone held the key and I couldn’t get out.  I didn’t have the right to negotiate or be free. I had no other options.

But in fact, I realized one day that I do have the control to take the power back or keep the power, in other words keep the key to my own destiny. I also realized that having money as the only goal for a job was too high of a cost to pay for me.

When I discovered that I had the power, it had always been there, then I started looking at my situation in a different way. I found out something shocking.

I tried the door to my cage one day and it was unlocked! I was still scared though to open the door . What if the oppressor was around the corner, what if I was caught?

I was paralyzed by fear and guilt because maybe I should try harder and be a better person so it doesn’t bother me. I wanted to be any other person but me at that moment in time.

However, there was a bigger force inside me that called out whenever they could get through the busy lines of my mind that was living in fear, exhaustion and defeat. “Get out, fly away, be free,” it would say, “use your wings, and flap like crazy, you can do it.”

One day, I tried the door and it was still unlocked. I looked back and thanked the place for the opportunity, opened the door and flapped my wings like crazy, and flew up and away. “

That voice I heard was right. I always had the ability to fly and be free, to be and do what I want to do. The power was always there for the taking. That voice was me. My ego was locking the door but my spirit always knew it was open and tried to tell me. I finally listened.

“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”

-Nelson Mandela